Listen to the Season 4 finale of Beneath the Briefs, “The More the Merrier: Polyamory 101,” in which Javier Enriquez and Cheyenne Roberts talk to Ren Dobson about the different types of polyamory on Spotify or Apple Podcasts. Read the transcript below.
Beneath the Briefs Introduction
Javier:
This is Beneath the Briefs, a podcast where we explore the ins and outs…
Cheyenne:
And the in-betweens…
Javier:
Of sex and culture.
Cheyenne:
No topic is off limits.
Javier:
Real conversations you may be too embarrassed to have out loud.
Cheyenne:
So! Prepare to be briefed.
Javier:
Let’s talk about sex, y’all.
Upside-Down Pineapples as a Symbol for Multi-Partner Play…in the North Pole?
Cheyenne:
Hey, y’all, hey. Hey, Javier.
Javier:
Hey, Cheyenne, we made it to the season finale.
Cheyenne:
Can you believe it?
Javier:
Yo, no, I can’t.
Cheyenne:
I honestly can’t believe it either. This has been a journey.
Javier:
Yeah, we literally knew nothing about how to produce a podcast, and now we have six episodes and a whole season.
Cheyenne:
And we did it, and people are listening to us. Hey!
Javier:
Also, you’re probably listening to this, if you’re listening to it on the day of, because you’re a super fan, on Christmas day.
So, if you celebrate Christmas, Merry Christmas, y’all.
Cheyenne:
Merry, merry, merry Christmas.
Javier:
We’re so happy to be spending this with you.
Of course, this is recorded live, so me and Cheyenne are by a fireplace with our Christmas tree.
Cheyenne:
Javier, why do you be lying to people like this? You just lie so easily. Do you know that? You know you just lie, and it just rolls off your tongue.
Javier:
Well, speaking of Christmas, do you have any gifts to share with the listeners? Anything new with you?
Cheyenne:
I have gone on a couple of dates.
Javier:
Oh, she’s a dating woman!
Cheyenne:
I’m dating again, I guess.
Javier:
Which one—was there a really good one, a really bad one?
Cheyenne:
Both of them were actually really good. I’ve really been enjoying getting to know this person. So, yeah, been on a few dates, you know, nothing serious quite yet.
You know, it was a little too late for us to be in matching pajamas, but hey, you know, maybe next year we’ll be in matching pajamas. So, yeah, we’ll see. What about you, Javier? What’s been up with you?
Javier:
So, let’s see. What’s something fun? I went to the Jingle Ball in Fort Worth. It’s this annual concert that they bring in so many different pop star artists, and they just do like a whole holiday show. I was there to go see Cat’s Eye, and if you don’t know who Cat’s Eye is, they are this new international K-pop girl group, and let me tell you, I was not a big fan of K-pop.
Cheyenne:
Is that the artist of the song that you were singing for like…
Javier:
(singing) Touch, touch, touch, touch, touch
Thought about you way too much, much, much, much, much
Yeah, yeah, yeah! So, y’all, Cat’s Eye has me in a chokehold. The way that these girls are so trained and so talented, it was so cool to see.
Also, they have their own documentary series on Netflix, and it’s called Pop Star Academy, and basically what it follows, it follows the journey of creating this girl group. So, this girl group started with like 30 plus talented girls from across the world. Some of these girls don’t know English, but they’re talented singers or dancers or performers or yada yada, and then over the course of like a year or two, girls will get cut.
But anyways, I went to go see Cat’s Eye, fangirled, and I went with my friend, and we got there, and we took our seats, and then there was these two guys who came into our row, and it was like, oh, we’re sitting right next to you. I’m like, oh, okay, cool, and not gonna lie, they were kind of cute, but I didn’t want to assume anything, but he like chatted up a conversation with me, and he was really nice, and he was really cool, and he bought me drinks the rest of the night.
Cheyenne:
Oh, that’s nice!
Javier:
For me and my friend, so I’m like, hey, and then I learned that the person that he was with was his boyfriend, and I’m like, “Oh my god, we’re all gays? We’re gays together?!” But yeah, anyways, they really liked the vibe. They asked for my number afterwards, and I’ve basically been chatting with this couple.
Cheyenne:
Hold on!
Javier:
You know, we sent some snapchats, so it’s been really interesting. I haven’t talked to a couple like this before, like talking to both of them like equally, so that’s been fun.
Cheyenne:
Okay, I’ve only ever done, I’ve only ever talked to like one poly couple, actually.
Javier:
Well, I don’t know if they’re poly. They are—they do stuff together. I don’t know if that means poly, but I don’t know.
We will learn more about polyamory and what that means in today’s episode. So if you’re curious, this is a really good time to be curious, because we’re going to answer all those questions.
Cheyenne:
You know what? I wonder if Santa was poly. Do you think he would be poly?
Javier:
Depends on what…where do elves come from? Are elves spawn of Santa?
Cheyenne:
You know, I really don’t know, actually.
Javier:
Like, what’s the lore with Santa’s elves?
Cheyenne:
Oh… I don’t know. Hmm.
Javier:
But let me tell you, if I was an elf, and there was Daddy Santa…
Cheyenne:
Alright! Alright.
Javier:
You know… trying to get on the naughty list.
Cheyenne:
You’re trying to get on the naughty? You’re already on the naughty list. Do you know that? Do you know that?
Javier:
I’m pretty sure he got an upside-down pineapple outside of—
Cheyenne:
Oh, for sure.
Javier:
The North Pole house.
Cheyenne:
Wait, would it be a pineapple, or would it be an upside-down Christmas tree?
Javier:
Oh…
Cheyenne:
Yeah.
Javier:
No, it would be an upside-down pineapple, because an upside-down Christmas tree is practically sacrilegious to Santa’s culture.
Cheyenne:
Really?!?!
Javier:
(deadpan) I would assume.
Cheyenne:
Alright. Alright. I’m over here believing you. Oh, I’m over here believing you. That is crazy.
Javier:
But yeah, I am really happy to celebrate this holiday episode with you, but also our special guest, Ren.
Cheyenne:
Oooh, okay!
Javier:
We’ll learn more about them, and we’re going to be talking about polyamory. Do you know a lot about polyamory?
Cheyenne:
Not a whole lot. Just enough.
Javier:
Okay. Okay. Well, we’ll both be learning together.
Cheyenne:
Alright!
Javier:
With you, the audience. So, let’s get into it.
Cheyenne:
Alright.
Commercial Break: Nice Package
Cheyenne:
Have you heard the good news?
Javier:
No, I haven’t!
Cheyenne:
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Javier:
Wait, wait, wait. Did you say free?
Cheyenne:
Yep, that’s what I said. It’s completely free. We provide in-home HIV test kits, latex and non-latex condoms, dental dams, and internal condoms.
Javier:
Oh my gosh. I love all of those things.
Cheyenne:
And it’s shipped free and discreetly right to your front door.
Javier:
Okay!
Cheyenne:
Once again, the website is FreeNicePackage.com. Let’s stay sexy and safe, y’all.
Polyamory 101 with Ren Dobson
Javier:
Alright, we are back for our final segment? Of season four?
Cheyenne:
Final segment of season four. Yes.
Javier:
Oh, yeah. And I’m really excited because we have an amazing guest today. One of my personal friends, an artist, an all-around baddie in the Dallas community.
Ren:
Oh, wow.
Javier:
Ren, welcome to the podcast.
Ren:
Hi, my name is Ren.
Javier:
Okay, what pronouns do you use, Ren?
Ren:
I use they/them pronouns. I am an artist from Dallas, Texas, and I’m polyamorous.
Javier:
Ohhh!
Ren:
I know. Crazy, crazy.
Javier:
Which is a coincidence because we so happen to be talking about polyamory on this episode.
Ren:
That is crazy. That’s wild. I would have never guessed.
Javier:
You excited, Cheyenne?
Cheyenne:
I’m very excited because I actually have a question for you. So like, before we went on break, I was like, “Do you think Santa would be poly because he was always traveling around like, (during) the Christmas season?”
Ren:
But he only does it for one night, right?
Javier:
He only does it for one night.
Cheyenne:
Only for one night?
Ren:
Is like, time the same for him?
Javier:
I don’t know.
Ren:
Like, is—is—is—is it like, super slow for him? Like, he’s like, so fast that everything slows down.
Javier:
That’s not—that would be a fun experience if you’re Mrs. Claus. Get them cookies.
Ren:
In the milk.
Javier:
Oh, my God. Anyways, enough about the North Pole.
Let’s talk about polyamory. So many people are confused on what it is. There are people who have different misconceptions. Some people who don’t have good opinions on it based on these misconceptions. And some people think that it’s just a new thing that the kids are doing. Ren, what is polyamory?
Ren:
Well, polyamory, at least for me, and I think that’s the biggest like point is that like everybody kind of practices it differently. So not everybody’s going to do the same modality or whatever.
For me, polyamory is the ability for me and my partners to explore and experience other people outside of our like defined relationship, while also still respecting ourselves and our relationship. Essentially, like for me, being polyamorous is having the freedom to be open to other types of relationships, whether that be a friendship dynamic, or a romantic dynamic, or a casual dynamic, while also being committed to my partners.
Javier:
Nice.
Cheyenne:
That leads me to ask this one question that I’ve always kind of had: Do you feel like people are able to love more than one person romantically, almost at the same time?
Ren:
Yeah, absolutely.
Cheyenne:
Okay.
Ren:
I think that like—I mean, have you ever had multiple crushes at the same time?
Javier:
That’s a good point.
Cheyenne:
That’s actually a good point, because I definitely have.
Javier:
Got her!
Cheyenne:
I definitely have multiple crushes at one time.
Ren:
I mean, and also it’s like, don’t you love your mom and your dad?
Cheyenne:
(pause) Yes…
Ren:
No, I mean, obviously not—not in the way that you’re thinking!
Cheyenne:
I was like… wait…
Ren:
In the sense that love is not like, you can love your friends as much as you love your partners, and you can love your family as much as you love, I don’t know, your friends. So, it’s like, for me, my friendships and my family are on the same playing field when it comes to love and my relationships with them. I care about my friends at the same intensity, I guess.
Cheyenne:
Okay.
Javier:
So, being polyamorous—when did you come to identify as polyamorous? When did you learn about it? And how did it feel to embrace that?
Ren:
I mean, honestly, it was very easy for me to make that decision. It wasn’t really a decision, I guess. It was like, all of my friends were polyamorous when I was in college—I went to an art school.
And everybody was queer and poly and exploring that. And I was like, “Oh, I can just do that.” And throughout my dating experiences, I was always dating multiple people at the same time. Not like we were in a relationship context, but in a, “Oh, I’m on Tinder, and I have multiple dates this week” kind of way.
But I never felt this level of like, “Oh, I’m supposed to suddenly eventually pick one of these people and then start a relationship with this specific one that suddenly is the right fit for me” and whatever.
Javier:
That’s really interesting. When you mentioned that you are seeing multiple people during the dating process…I feel like a lot of people are unaware of the polyamorous moments in their life that they fall into and don’t even know they’re polyamorous.
Ren:
Definitely, definitely.
Javier:
Because when you are dating, you could be dating three people at a time to play the field, even at the end of when you go to be monogamous, but you are developing feelings from multiple people—
Javier and Ren Together:
At the same time.
Ren:
And I mean, oftentimes, I feel like people are picking the one that they had the most compatibility with and not—even though they might still have a ton of compatibility with the other people that they were dating.
Javier:
Yeah.
Ren:
And so, for me, I was just like, I don’t really want to pick. Also, I was single for years and trying to date couples and engaging in group sex and all sorts of dynamics that involved multiple people. And so, when you’re involving multiple people, it’s bound to happen that you’re going to develop more feelings for multiple people.
Javier:
That makes sense.
Cheyenne:
I have tried talking to a couple. It was a lot of work. I’m not going to lie. It was a lot of work. So, I noticed for myself that when I am talking to them, I’m like, “Okay, I have to make sure that I give our time together and then individual time that they requested.”
And it was just becoming a lot. And I couldn’t keep up. So yeah, that’s what I mean when I say it’s a lot of work.
Ren:
I mean, I would say that, definitely, being polyamorous is not easy. But I wouldn’t say that dating is easy, period.
Javier:
Yeah, it’s just coming down to bandwidth and what you can do.
Cheyenne:
Literally. Yeah, absolutely. So, what are some misconceptions that you’ve heard about polyamory?
Ren:
I think my biggest thing when it comes to being polyamorous is that it’s like, “a white people thing” and that it’s not a thing that everyone has been exploring for as long as human history has existed, essentially. We can look back in history at any point and recognize that queer people specifically were having multiple sexual partners for a very long time, and it was never a taboo to them in the same way that it was a taboo for heterosexual people.
But I mean, not to say that we stan polygamy, but that is definitely a non-monogamous practice.
Javier:
So that’s a very good transition to another interesting question I know people will have: What is the difference between polyamory and polygamy?
Ren:
Honestly, I feel like my—
Cheyenne:
Is there a difference?
Ren:
Well, yes, because polygamy is when—typically it’s a man who has multiple wives and those wives are not allowed to explore other people or have their own sexual partners or whatever. But polyamory puts the playing field on equal (footing) where everybody’s capable of exploring what they want to explore. And typically, it’s all about consent and making sure that everybody is comfortable in those relationships.
There are definitely a lot of conversations about what your goals are with these relationships, what your needs are with these relationships.
Javier:
If I had to take a guess, I think sometimes polyamory gets a bad rap through polygamy and specifically polygamy when we talk about the sister wives and one guy has eight different wives.
Ren:
Definitely.
Javier:
And we see kind of like the power dynamics that don’t always seem correct.
Ren:
I’m not even… To me, the problem with polygamy is not the non-monogamy but the misogyny, the taking away the right to choose for the women involved in this situation.
Javier:
Absolutely. So, I also think that some people are confused with the terminology of open relationships and what a polycule is and how does that fit with polyamory.
Ren:
There’s a big, wide umbrella for non-monogamy. So, you can do open relationships where open relationship typically means that you’re comfortable with your partner engaging with sexual situations with other people, consensually, of course, but keeping romantic feelings separate within those relationships.
And then a polycule is essentially the net of partners where I have a partner and my partner has a partner and their partner has a partner and potentially we could all be partners together or we could all live under the same home.
I mean, it can get pretty big.
Javier:
Cheyenne, you had a reaction?
Cheyenne:
Yeah, I never heard the term polycule. So, I didn’t know that existed, that it kept going. So that’s interesting.
Javier:
It’s a multi-level marketing…tactic.
Cheyenne:
A pyramid scheme?!
Ren:
I think—and don’t quote me on this, but I believe the term polycule comes from the word molecule.
Cheyenne:
Have you ever been a part of a polycule?
Ren:
Absolutely not.
Javier:
Well, that was quick. What’s the reaction?
Ren:
I mean, well, okay, maybe not “absolutely not.” But I do think that for me, I would never call my net of friends and romantic relationships a polycule. I just don’t like that word.
For me, my ideal term would be family. You know what I mean? Not polycule. I think poly people have created this huge net of vocabulary words to describe all of the specific individual experiences that happen within these relationships, but I think that that also makes it so that new people have no idea what the heck is going on.
Javier:
That’s—honestly, that’s so true because we’re over here sitting and talking, and we have all these different words, but a lot of them also sound similar. Like, you have polyamorous, you have polygamy, you have polycule, you have like, like, Polly Pocket, whatever.
Cheyenne:
Polly Pocket?!
Javier:
Like, it just all starts getting muddied.
Ren:
Yeah, absolutely.
Javier:
Speaking of that, I did a little bit of research and apparently that there are different kinds of polyamorous relationships like you were describing.
And I know that labels are helpful tools and are not the end-all be-all, but I just wanted to like, bring up some that I thought were kind of interesting. And I was curious, like, which one do you feel fits you, if at all?
So, one is a hierarchical polyamory. And so are you familiar with hierarchical polyamory?
Ren:
I am very familiar with hierarchical polyamory.
Javier:
You want to tell us about it?
Ren:
I mean, not a lot of people are huge fans of hierarchy in polyamory. At least not now. I know that it was definitely a big thing when The Ethical Slut was a book that everybody was reading.
Javier:
I actually have it in my library.
Ren:
I do believe it talks about hierarchical relationships and like having a primary and a secondary in your relationships. But for me personally, that is not something that I would identify with because I feel like hierarchical relationships take away the equity in relationships.
And I guess equity isn’t necessarily the right term. It doesn’t prioritize the needs of everyone in a relationship.
Javier:
Gotcha.
Cheyenne:
That sounds very complicated.
Javier:
Yeah. And I kind of also wanted to ping your brain about it because in my personal life with my partner, we’re in an open relationship.
I don’t know if we’ve ever used the word, and I don’t know if I would ever use the word polyamorous. I’ve just I’ve not been—I’ve not gone super deep into it. And like, we’re open, but we’re committed romantically to each other and more sexually open with other opportunities for other people.
And we are always working to be in a place where we just communicate what we do, and we are honest with each other. But like, have your independence, like do whatever you want.
Ren:
And I think that your relationship dynamic is definitely—
Javier:
Like, is that still like, —?
Ren:
That’s—I mean, it is. And that’s another thing is like, if everybody is comfortable with the dynamic that you are in, go do whatever you want to do.
Like, that is actually the biggest piece of the puzzle: is like—is everybody okay with this?
Javier:
Yeah. I think communication is the big thing and making sure everyone’s consenting to the dynamics that they’re going into. Cheyenne, you wanted to say something? You went like this?
Cheyenne:
Oh, no, I was just bending my finger. I’m sorry.
Javier:
Oh, I’m sorry.
Cheyenne:
It just felt good for a second.
Javier:
You’re just like, “Oh, polyamory? Oh, hold on.” (bending finger)
Cheyenne:
I mean, I do want to try it.
Ren:
But I mean, like if you actually need some like support, we could talk.
Cheyenne:
I like, do want to try it. I just want to see like, you know, because the first time I ever tried, you know, talking to a couple, like I said, it was it was a lot of work.
But I also was like in a really bad place in my life. So like I just had to man with it all the time.
Ren:
That’s definitely another thing, because like there are times in your relationships where like, you can talk to your partner and be like, “Hey, like right now I need a lot of support from you. And like I’m not saying break up with your current partners. But like, if I just think that maybe we should take a freeze on like including newer people into our relationship dynamic,” and like taking the steps to better yourself so that you can be more comfortable in this. Or do we need to like, reassess this relationship dynamic as a whole? But it’s definitely like, not a “We have to be poly all of the time, 100 percent of the time. Nothing can ever change.”
And I mean, the answer also might mean that like you might need to break up, and that’s also okay.
Javier:
And I think also another answer is maybe polyamory isn’t for you, but you tried it.
Ren:
Exactly. Like, that’s another thing is like you definitely don’t want to force your partner to do something that they don’t want to do.
Javier:
And speaking of sort of another thing that people say to put down polyamory is they’ll say it’s just an excuse for people to cheat on each other. What do you say to that thought?
Ren:
Well, what is cheating? We have to define what cheating is.
And to me, cheating is breaking trust. And like if I’m having new sexual partners, I’m like, “OK, I’ve had sex with this person, but I get tested. I’m on PrEP. I use DoxyPEP.”
Javier:
Come on, PrEP and DoxyPEP!
Ren:
I’m making sure that like I’m using condoms if that’s something that we had discussed. You know what I mean? Like, if you are actively choosing to not tell me something that could definitely impact my sexual health or like you’re trying to keep something away from me, that would be cheating in my mind.
Javier:
So cheating is subjective?
Ren:
Yes, actually. Yeah, I would say that.
Javier:
Yeah. I think a lot of people don’t acknowledge that.
Cheyenne:
They really don’t.
Ren:
Even in monogamous relationships, we see that concept because like some people would consider texting somebody else as cheating
Javier:
Or even looking at porn.
Cheyenne:
I was just gonna bring it up.
Ren:
You can’t have any friends with somebody of the opposite sex, or you can’t do this or you can’t do that. Many people have very different ideas about what cheating is, and I think that’s why for me and my relationship, like I choose to use the word relationship anarchy because relationship anarchy to me is that like all relationships—there is no contract. Like, I am deciding in each and every one of my relationships. You can truly define your relationships in any way that you want.
Javier:
Yeah, that makes sense. And I think you perfectly described non-hierarchical polyamory, which again, it’s more notably known as relationship anarchy. I’m going to go quickly through other forms of polyamory. We won’t spend too much time on it because I know we have some other questions that Cheyenne would love to get to. But real’ quick: we have triad, more commonly known as a throuple, and that’s with three people are kind of more so equally involved together romantically and sexually.
We have a model that’s called the V, like the letter V, and it’s where one person is the connector.
Ren:
The hinge:
Javier:
Yeah, the hinge for two other people.
Ren:
Sorry.
Javier:
And then the one that I thought was the most intriguing—I was like, “Oh, this is actually kind of cool.” I feel like you might like it too. I don’t know. Maybe this is an assumption.
Cheyenne:
What is it?
Javier:
It’s called solo polyamory.
Ren:
Yeah.
Javier:
And I was like, “It’s solo and polyamorous?!” I was so confused at the dichotomy. In my head, I’m like…like, solopoly.
Cheyenne:
Solopoly. Monopoly.
Javier:
So solo polyamory is multiple people have multiple committed relationships with different people, but prioritize themselves when it comes to major life decisions. And they typically live alone and do not cohabitate or form families with their partners. So it’s like, “I like to be open, but also I like my space.”
Ren:
Yeah.
Javier:
And I like that.
Cheyenne:
Yeah, that is me.
Ren:
I would go home. I never stayed the night with people.
Cheyenne:
Why are we the same? It’s literally me.
Ren:
I never stayed the night with people. I definitely was like, I’m ready to go home. I’m going to go home.
Cheyenne:
Uh-huh. Like, literally, like, once I’m done, I don’t care how tired I am. I’m going back home. I’m getting in the bed.
Javier:
We stan solopoly. Yeah, I think, and I wonder, because I know polyamory, well, anyone can be polyamorous. It’s not like a straight or gay thing.
And I wonder if there are people out there, straight or not, who have struggled with their own personal relationships or their marriages because they couldn’t identify that they are probably on the poly spectrum and have certain needs.
Ren:
And I think anybody can be polyamorous. And not only that, but you can be polyamorous in one relationship and then like break up with that partner and then never really explore it again.
It doesn’t have to be this label that is permanently in your life forever and that every relationship that you explore has to be non-monogamous. You can be in a monogamous relationship for 30 years of your life, break up with that partner, be poly for two years, break up with that partner, and then go back to monogamy. That is completely normal.
Javier:
Dang, that’s powerful.
Cheyenne:
Oh, it really is. You just have the power to choose.
Ren:
Yeah. I think that’s the biggest thing that I want to push for is that there isn’t a set path for your relationships with people. You can genuinely do whatever you choose with that person if you’re both agreeing to what has been chosen.
Javier:
Dang, yeah. That’s so valid. So, I’m going to get a little spicy.
Cheyenne:
This is your favorite part.
Javier:
Yeah. So, Ren, what have been some really standout sexual experiences as a polyamorous person?
Ren:
I think for me, and this was even before I was in a committed relationship, but I was definitely a person that wanted to explore sex in a less private setting.
The option to be able to go to a group sexual encounter and interact with multiple people, multiple bodies. I didn’t even really go to have sex. I went because I wanted to interact with people that I liked, and they were all going to this one event, and we were all going to potentially have sex or potentially interact with each other sexually.
I just liked that we were all in a room together being sexual with one another, and it wasn’t strange. Nobody was uncomfortable. Consent was still valued.
Being in these public spaces and watching other people interact with sex, and it is no longer something that I have to pretend isn’t something that I’m interested in, really helped me learn about myself and learn about the sex that I wanted to have.
Javier:
Nice. Sounds like it’s very liberating.
Ren:
Absolutely.
Javier:
It seems like polyamory is something where you can maximize your exploration with relationship building with other people, but also maximizing your relationship with yourself.
Ren:
Yes, definitely.
As I started to date more and more people and let myself be open to these kink spaces and let myself be open to dating and interacting with couples and all sorts of stuff, I was like, “Well, wait, I don’t necessarily have to choose one person.”
Javier:
If it’s okay with you, what does polyamory look like for you?
Ren:
Right now, if I want to see other people, I typically will be like, “Hey, I’m talking to someone. I think they’re really cool. Do you want to see?”
And then I’ll be like, and I’m very calendar oriented. So, I’m like, “Oh, on Tuesday, I’m going on this date, and on next week, I’m going to go hook up with some person.”
So, for me, it’s just open and communicative dialogue between me and my partner. And if I’m dating someone and it starts to get more serious, I’m going to be like, “Hey, I’m talking to someone and it’s going really well, and we are thinking about potentially being more serious,” and then having that conversation with my partner and letting them know that that’s something that I wanted to explore and just being open and vulnerable and honest. That’s what I strive for in my relationship.
Cheyenne:
So, what is one important thing that you’ll want our listeners to know about polyamory, just in case they are interested in possibly kind of going that route? Like, what’s the piece of advice that you want to give them?
Ren:
It’s okay if it doesn’t work for you.
I think some people see polyamory as like this elevated way of dating or that it’s like beyond monogamy. And I’m like, the reality is that polyamory and non-monogamy as a concept has been around for centuries. So, if—and it doesn’t always work, it’s not for everyone. And it’s also okay to want to explore that.
Cheyenne:
I rock with it.
Javier:
Unfortunately, we are out of time with you, Ren. But I’ve learned so much. I think Cheyenne could probably say the same.
Cheyenne:
We’re going to be talking after.
Javier:
Yeah, so me and Cheyenne, we’re going to have a debrief and then talk about this. Ren, thank you so much for coming on the podcast.
Ren:
Of course. Thank you for having me.
Javier:
How can people follow you?
Ren:
You can follow me on Instagram at renbot.obj. I’m pansexual, so you can hit me up, okay? And I’m pretty. You can’t see me, but I am pretty.
Cheyenne:
Periodt.
(transition music)
Polyamory 101: Javier and Cheyenne’s Takeaways
Cheyenne:
That was a really refreshing conversation talking about just the different types of relationships.
Javier:
Yo, there was so much information.
Cheyenne:
It’s a lot of information. Now I feel like I have to go home and actually do a lot more research because I don’t think I’ve ever actually taken the time out to differentiate between polygamy and polyamory. I honestly thought they were the same thing.
Javier:
And open relationships.
Cheyenne:
Yeah.
Javier:
Sometimes I feel like they can kind of overlap a little bit.
Cheyenne:
I think so.
Javier:
And it depends for each relationship.
Cheyenne:
Absolutely. So, I really appreciate Ren being able to come on here and kind of like, give us some more information from their lived experience, so I really can appreciate that because, honestly, you can read about it all day…
Javier:
Yeah.
Cheyenne:
But until you actually hear about it from somebody, it’s like, “Okay, that makes a lot more sense.”
Javier:
Yeah. I think the thing that I’m gonna take away is the different kinds of polyamory and what it looks like.
Cheyenne:
Mmhmm.
Javier:
And like you said, I don’t think a lot of people have taken the time to explore and ask if that’s something that could be for them.
Cheyenne:
I feel like I’m like, really in a season of like, exploring myself…kind of like what they say, “rebranding”?
Javier:
Oh!
Cheyenne:
I’m in my rebrand era. But like, yeah, like, I want to go back and like, explore again how I want to love and how I navigate relationships. I don’t know if that just comes with the fact that I am nearing my twenty-sixth birthday. Like, it has me like, thinking about life all over again. I don’t know.
I’ll say, yeah, that’s my biggest takeaway, that I am ready to kind of—with this newfound information—explore myself.
Javier:
I love that. I love that for you, Cheyenne.
I am even more excited because, while this may be the end of an incredible season, we are going to be back in February, and hopefully, you’ll hear some updates about what’s going on with Cheyenne’s life, how many partners does Cheyenne currently have…
Cheyenne:
Uh-huh.
Javier:
And what kind of cooky-bananas things Javier is getting into.
Cheyenne:
Oh, you’re gonna get into a LOT of stuff. Between now and February? You move quick.
Javier:
Thank y’all so, so much. Seriously. This podcast has been very stressful, but it’s been really worth it, with all the conversations we’ve had, with the people that we’ve met, and the relationship I got to build with my beloved Cheyenne.
Cheyenne:
I want y’all to know I still don’t like him. He’s still working on it though. He’s working on it. We’re working on it.
Javier:
But yeah, thank you guys so, so much. We’re really bad at asking for this every episode, but if you can: what you can give us for Christmas is a rate, a review, and a follow, and that will be so magical for us.
Cheyenne:
Ugh, I would—
Javier:
And, Cheyenne, if they want to send us any emails asking questions or giving us advice…
Cheyenne:
Mmhmm.
Javier:
Or topic ideas, where can they do that?
Cheyenne:
Oooh, you guys can reach us at [email protected]. Again, that is [email protected].
Javier:
Yay! We did it! “We did it, Joe!”
Cheyenne:
We did it! We did it!
Javier:
We got through a whole season! Ugh!
Alright, y’all, well, we will see you in…SEASON FIVE.
Cheyenne:
Dun dun DUNNN. (clears throat) (awkward pause) Cut the cameras.
Beneath the Briefs: “The More the Merrier: Polyamory 101” Outro
Javier:
Beneath the Briefs is produced by Javier Enriquez, Cheyenne Roberts, Tri McBath, Trevor Frank, Andie Carver, and Marquesse Banks, executively produced by Januari Fox, and edited by Javier Enriquez. The Beneath the Briefs podcast is supported and powered by Prism Health North Texas.
Cheyenne:
The opinions, personalities, and views expressed on Beneath the Briefs are solely those of the individuals and do not reflect those of Prism Health North Texas and its employees. The information shared on this podcast is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment, and is intended for educational purposes only. Thank you.
Javier:
Alright, Cheyenne, there’s only one way to end Season 4 of Beneath the Briefs.
Cheyenne:
(singing) I was boooornnnn…
Javier:
(singing) By the riverrrr.
Both:
(singing, then rapping) River. R-r-r-r-r-r—I was born by the river, I was shaking that—