How to Navigate Thanksgiving After the Election
Listen to Season 4, Episode 4 of Beneath the Briefs in which Javier Enriquez and Cheyenne Roberts discuss how Thanksgiving after the election may be rife with issues between family members on different sides of the political agenda on Spotify or Apple Podcasts.
Beneath the Briefs Introduction
Javier:
This is Beneath the Briefs, a podcast where we explore the ins and outs…
Cheyenne:
And the in-betweens…
Javier:
Of sex and culture.
Cheyenne:
No topic is off limits.
Javier:
Real conversations you may be too embarrassed to have out loud.
Cheyenne:
So! Prepare to be briefed.
Javier:
Let’s talk about sex, y’all.
A Possible Catfish and a Proposal for Podcast Cohost Couples Counseling
Javier:
Woo-woo.
Okay, I was trying to say what up, but then yo wanted to come in there, and so we’re just (both cohosts dissolve into laughter; they cannot)
Okay, okay, okay, okay, um, welcome to Beneath the Briefs, my name is Javier.
Cheyenne:
And my name is Cheyenne.
Javier:
It is a lovely new day in the podcast universe of Beneath the Briefs. We have a lot of interesting stuff today.
We’re gonna be talking about things post-election and navigating family matters, but before that: (to Cheyenne) I haven’t seen you in a week.
Cheyenne:
Yeah, because you left me here.
Javier:
I know.
Cheyenne:
I feel like we should talk about this in counseling together.
Javier:
Oh?
Cheyenne:
Yes.
Javier:
Okay. Yeah, podcast couples counseling.
Cheyenne:
Yes. Thank you, because I feel like our working relationship is like, suffering because you left me for a week.
Javier:
Okay. Damn.
Cheyenne:
I hope you had fun on your little vacation.
Javier:
Oh, I had fun.
Cheyenne:
What’d you do?
Javier:
I went to North Carolina. I typically go on a solo birthday trip every year. I highly recommend it.
It’s very cathartic, very reflective, and I just booked a trip after flipping a coin inspired by Jodi Messina’s “Heads, Carolina, Tails, California,” landed on tails, and so I went to Charlotte, North Carolina, and I know virtually nothing about Charlotte, North Carolina, but I bought a flight. I bought an Airbnb, and I took it day by day, and I had a lot of fun. Learned about their community, made some friends, made some close friends.
Cheyenne:
Oh, how close are we talking? (after a period of silence) Oh, okay, okay. I like the slow nod, like I’m supposed to know what that means, which I do know what that means.
Javier:
But yeah, there was one person I met up with, they are non-binary, they were really sweet, and we had a good time, and they were like, “I love your vibe! You should go to karaoke with me and my friends.” I’m like, “Now that’s a queer experience right there!” But yeah, I had a lot of fun times, but I heard you may be talking to someone while I was gone?!
Cheyenne:
Y’all, I think I’m being catfished.
Javier:
Catfished?
Cheyenne:
Yes. I think I’m being catfished for real.
Javier:
Oh?!
Cheyenne:
She has three videos up and like she just randomly DMed me.
Javier:
What do you mean three videos up? What does that mean?
Cheyenne:
Oh, on TikTok. I’m sorry. She messaged me on TikTok.
Javier:
Okay, okay.
Cheyenne:
Yeah, so I was like, “Is this person like, legit?” But then I was like, “We don’t have any mutual followers. You’re not following any of the same people that I follow. Nobody that I know is following you. How did you find me?” And I don’t know. The energy is just giving catfish, but I’m going along with it for the plot so that I can end up on catfish with Nev. So, we’ll see.
But yeah, we’ve been talking for like, the last four days.
Javier:
Oh, so it’s serious.
Cheyenne:
In lesbian time, yes.
But no, just going with the flow at this point.
Javier:
Alright. Well, you have to update us. See how they are. Are they local?
Cheyenne:
No, they’re in Detroit.
Javier:
Oh!
Cheyenne:
Riiiiight.
Javier:
And they hit you up?
Cheyenne:
Right! Okay, y’all, this is what she said. I highly doubt she’ll ever hear this, but if she does, that’d be funny.
But she was like, “Oh, I was going through the comments of like, random posts, and I seen that (you) commented, and I looked at your profile, and like, you were super cute.”
Matter of fact, actually, y’all, let me read you what she actually said to slide into my DMs because this is funny.
Javier:
Yeah, that high key sounds like a catfish, now that you said all that.
Cheyenne:
This is what she said to me when she slid into my DMs. Word for word, bar for bar.
“Hey, cutie, are you a cookie? Because I’m usually attracted to sweet things.” Y’all, all I could do was laugh. This is her name.
So, you can look at her and tell me if you think she’s a catfish.
Javier:
Just the fact that they were like, “I was perusing the comments section. I clicked yours for divine reasons.” That’s kind of sus.
Cheyenne:
It’s so suspect. So, I’m not going to stress it. But yeah.
Javier:
Looking at those messages, what it did remind me of—I took a screenshot for myself because I thought it was kind of fun. But I took myself to go see a movie while I was in Charlotte, and the movie got out like at 12:30 at night, and security took everyone out and it was cold. It’s like 40 something. And I thought I was being cute. I’m like wearing like hoochie daddy shorts, a T-shirt, and like, a hoodie. But like, it is cold. Like, it is like, March of the Penguins out there.
And I’m trying to like, stay warm, and people are getting out and whatever. And I finally get an Uber because I had two of them cancel on me.
Cheyenne:
Oh, wow!
Javier:
And then two days go by, and I get a message on an app, and they’re like, “Hey, I think I saw you, LOL. And then I’m like, “Oh?” And they said, “On Saturday I was leaving AMC around 12 a.m.” And I’m like, “Oh, wait, I was there at 12 a.m.” And they’re like, “LOL. Nice legs. You looked hot.” And I’m like, “How do you remember this random person that you saw when you exited an AMC theater?”
Cheyenne:
My thing is: how did y’all end up even crossing paths again for them to message you saying, “Hey, I think I saw you two days ago at the AMC at 12 a.m.” I would have packed my bags so quick and been out the door. Okay? I would have been gone so quick. I would’ve been gone quicker than you could say “I’m finna slap your mama.” Like I would have been gone.
Oh, my goodness. That is terrifying, low key.
Javier:
I think communication online is always so funny.
Conversations that are sometimes even more confusing and intriguing and awkward and uncomfortable to have are conversations around the holidays. You’re around a whole bunch of family members who are different from you, may have different religious beliefs, political beliefs. They see the world differently.
And it’s always interesting when we get together for Thanksgiving post an election day.
Cheyenne:
Oh, yeah. And I just can’t believe Thanksgiving is already next week.
Javier:
Right?
Cheyenne:
Like…how?
Javier:
I don’t know. Yeah.
Cheyenne:
Nothing prepared.
Javier:
But you know what is prepared?
Cheyenne:
Uh-huh?
Javier:
This commercial break.
Cheyenne:
Let’s go into it.
Commercial Break: Nice Package
Cheyenne:
Have you heard the good news?
Javier:
No, I haven’t!
Cheyenne:
FreeNicePackage.com is your one-stop shop for all things sexual health protection.
Javier:
Wait, wait, wait. Did you say free?
Cheyenne:
Yep, that’s what I said. It’s completely free. We provide in-home HIV test kits, latex and non-latex condoms, dental dams, and internal condoms.
Javier:
Oh my gosh. I love all of those things.
Cheyenne:
And it’s shipped free and discreetly right to your front door.
Javier:
Okay!
Cheyenne:
Once again, the website is FreeNicePackage.com. Let’s stay sexy and safe, y’all.
Preparing for Thanksgiving After the Election: Navigating Family with Different Beliefs
Cheyenne:
So, Javier, we are living post-election now. What has it been like 15 days already?
Javier:
Yes. As of today, it’s November 20th. So, 15 days.
Cheyenne:
We are flying by.
So, like, what are your kind of feelings and kind of, you know, hopes as we move forward?
Javier:
Yeah. So, my thoughts and feelings post-election. I will say that before we go forward, me and Cheyenne represent a nonpartisan organization, so we’re not going to give you any of our personal opinions about any of the candidates in any of the races. However, we are advocates at the end of the day and we are going to talk about the issues that we do care about. One of the issues that are important to me is making sure that my trans siblings and the trans community feel safe.
I think that’s really important to me outside of the work that I do here with Cheyenne. I work very closely with providing safe spaces for all kinds of queer identities. And I want to see folks who are undocumented to continue to thrive down a path that leads them to full citizenship, so they can give back to this country.
I come from an immigrant family, and I know that it’s a very hard path to walk, but it’s something that is very rewarding. And I’m so proud to be a citizen of this country. I’m the legacy of my immigrant parents.
And so, I am really hoping that we get to see more protections (for) them because I know they’ve kind of been under fire different kinds of ways. And I want to make sure that healthcare is accessible. And I am also really passionate about making sure that we are on a path to achieve environmental justice and that we are able to address any looming climate catastrophes.
But yeah, that’s just some of the few that I hope that we get to see some good progress on. But what about you, Cheyenne?
Cheyenne:
First of all, I just want to say I did not know that you were first generation. I did not know that. So that’s a fun fact for me.
But yeah, so I share a lot of your same sentiments, but something else that is like really looming for me and very near and dear to me is reproductive rights. So that’s just something I hope that stays intact moving forward.
And I really do hope that people of color are able to be invested in, continue to be invested in and especially also the working class. I want to see I want the working class to still be invested in and still (be) given more opportunities as far as like becoming first time homeowners, things like that. So those are things that are really near and dear to my heart.
And I’m very thankful that I’m able to have these conversations with my family, but I know a lot of people aren’t able to have these conversations with their families. And Javier, have you ever experienced having a difficult conversation around politics with your family at all?
Javier:
Oh, yeah, for sure. It’s interesting because, like I said, I come from an immigrant household, and I am the oldest, two thirds of the time.
Cheyenne:
What does that mean?
Javier:
Because with my full blood siblings, I’m the oldest. With my half siblings, I’m the eldest. But with my step siblings, I am not the oldest.
But we all grew up together, so. So basically, my parents raised me Catholic. And I think there was a certain kind of belief system that they really subscribed to, and they were really passionate about.
Spoiler alert: they are no longer Catholic. They are a different Christian denomination. And they’re kind of exploring what that means for them right now.
Cheyenne:
Are they Baptist?
Javier:
I have no idea. I think they flirted with that at one point, but I think they’re still looking around. They’re shopping.
But yeah, I think I became politically engaged during the 2016 election when there was a lot of engagement during the 2016 election. I remember I felt morally obligated to switch my major, and I was originally a film student. And it wasn’t until the 2016 election happened where I was like, “Oh, I feel like I need to be a part of the political process a little bit more.”
And that’s when I got completely 180. And I wanted to be an advocate for my community. And part of that was talking to my parents who had very different kinds of beliefs.
And at the time, they struggled supporting the rights and liberties of queer people and identities. And I’m so thankful that they have grown and are super, super supportive. I love my parents.
But those conversations were really hard to have at first. And any kind of political conversation can be really hard at first. But what really helped me was making sure that they saw my humanity as a queer person, as their queer son, and giving them the grace that they also deserve.
Because it wasn’t like they were in school being taught about the queer liberation movement or that they saw queer people in media being represented in a non-villainous way. And so, they are byproducts and in some ways victims of messaging that they didn’t ask to receive.
Cheyenne:
Yeah.
Javier:
And I think that grace and compassion extended a long way with my parents. And my parents have really grown to be more patient and wanting to be more understanding of experiences outside of their own. But it can still be tricky.
Cheyenne:
Yeah, for sure. Have you ever had to skip a Thanksgiving or holiday celebration prior to your family becoming more accepting?
Javier:
Oh, baby, no. We’re a Mexican household. If you miss one meal, dunzo, you’re gone.
Cheyenne:
That is very fair.
Javier:
In our culture, family time is extremely, extremely important, and it’s important to me too.
And that’s the one thing I value with us. Even if we’re really upset with each other or whatever, we kind of subscribe into a cultural mentality: If you’re upset…
Cheyenne:
Get over it.
Javier:
Yeah, it’s like get over it. Yeah. I don’t know if you’ve heard—I forget who told me, but they’re like, “Oh, when I was younger, when me and my sibling would fight with each other, my mom would take out one of my dad’s shirts, a big shirt, and then we would have to be in the same shirt together.”
Cheyenne:
The get along shirt!
Javier:
Yeah, the get along shirt! So, like, in Mexican culture, it’s get along dinner.
Like, you are still going to sit at this table, and we are going to love each other. But yeah, fortunately, I’ve not been in that position. But yeah. What about you? What are those conversations like with your family?
Cheyenne:
So, luckily, like I said, we are pretty much on the same page, me and my family. And we don’t really run into issues around politics, thank God. But, you know, I do, like I said, know a lot of people that do run into those issues, and my tip for them always is to put yourself first. This is your season to be selfish, especially after a political season. You know, no matter what you voted for, if you feel like something is disturbing your peace, definitely just walk away.
Put yourself first.
So, yeah, I’ve never had to practice that, though. So, I know it’s easier said than done, because again, my family were able to have these conversations, you know, with love and light.
And they may be difficult sometimes, you know, because you won’t always see eye to eye. However, we’re able to have those conversations and be mature about it, be grown up about it and be just kind about it and just listen to each other and hear each other out. So, again, like I said, I haven’t had that issue, but I do know people that have had that issue.
Javier:
And maturity is a two-way street, right?
Cheyenne:
Absolutely. One hundred percent.
Javier:
Like you could come in with the energy of like, “I’m wanting to in good faith have these conversations where it can be a little bit uncomfortable and we’re gonna have different ideas.” But if the other person isn’t being as mature, then like, again, like you can protect your peace.
Cheyenne:
Yeah. And, you know, also, too, personally, sometimes it’s just best not to bring it up, you know, especially if you do want to be around your family and you you know that your family is maybe on a different side than you.
It’s just sometimes best just to leave it unsaid, unfortunately, if you really, really want to be in that space. And I wish it wasn’t so polarized to where it could be like that…
Javier:
Mm hmm. Yeah, actually, if I could step in real quick, I think I’m gonna slightly push back.
Cheyenne:
Okay.
Javier:
I think I think that is valid. I think you do need to protect your own peace, and sometimes it’s best to walk away. And sometimes it’s best to prioritize family and not bring up uncomfortable decisions.
Cheyenne:
Right.
Javier:
However, if you are someone who has some capacity and has some energy, and you want to advocate for the things that are important to you with with your family, I say go for it.
Cheyenne:
Yeah.
Javier:
Because I think something that I’ve been thinking about lately post-election is I advocate for a lot of issues that affect marginalized communities, right? And I feel like I’ve been told over the years that people who are more privileged than marginalized communities should be the ones to talk with their other privileged family members, coworkers, friends, yada yada, and that they will affect the change to not as further burden people who are not as privileged.
But I feel like over the years, I’ve grown to kind of doubt that sentiment. I don’t know. I don’t know where I’m at with that.
Cheyenne:
Okay.
Javier:
But I feel like I’m not seeing a lot of change. I’m not seeing a lot of people with similar privilege levels have discussions like that, and like, invest in each other and educate one another. I’m actually seeing a lot of them who just close up and I understand protect your piece, no argument about that.
But if you have some energy, I say have those difficult conversations. The conversations will never not be difficult, but they can be worthwhile, and it could really spark something new for someone. And I bring all the other stuff up to say that I think I’m at a point in my life as well where I feel like I should speak for the communities I represent and the communities that are a bit more underprivileged.
I know that’s a little bit of a burden on me. However, I would love for my communities to continue thriving, and I don’t mind giving up a little bit of my personal convenience to make sure that people see me, my story and can connect with me as a person. And hopefully they can grow from that, if that makes sense.
Cheyenne:
Yeah, no, that makes sense. That makes perfect sense. And actually, I kind of agree that sometimes it’s best not to shy away from those conversations, because like you said, it could change somebody’s heart, you know, in so many words, it could change somebody’s heart.
Javier:
It could just connect hearts, you know what I mean? I think, yeah, I think we’re always also obsessed with trying to change each other’s minds. And I don’t think that’s a bad thing. But when you when you go into a conversation and you know someone’s trying to change your mind, but you’re also trying to change their mind, it becomes like a war of attrition.
And it’s just like if you come into a conversation wanting to change someone’s mind, sometimes people can see that and they’re going to like, “I’m going to put up a wall.” So, I think we have to come into conversations wanting to connect and to validate each other.
Cheyenne:
So, for me, you know, and this is—it’s on brand for the conversation—something that I’ve noticed is that I personally get combative when… I’m just going to use like, someone telling me something about myself, like if they’re like, “Yeah, Cheyenne, like I really don’t like when you do X, Y and Z,” instead of them trying to get me to see their perspective, and they’re just like… They’re trying to change something about me instead of telling me like, “Hey, like, you know, when you do X, Y and Z, this that hurts my feelings,” so I can understand the perspective instead of them just coming in, like I said, to change that behavior instead of saying why I need to change that behavior, I become combative. And I’m like, you know, now I’m ready to fight because it’s like, “Are you calling out my character?” Like, you know what I mean?
So, I feel like that also applies to political conversations where you’re going into that conversation to try and change that person’s mind. They may be combative and not open to it because they’re, I don’t want to say stuck in their ways, but like for lack of a—they’re firm and set in their ways, and like, you know, that’s just what they believe in. However, if you can get them to see your perspective, I feel like that will be better for both parties because then at least you now know that this person actually understands what you’re saying, and they’ve actually given you the space and vice versa. You’ve given them the space to say what they need to say, and you guys can both understand each other’s perspectives.
Obviously, that’s a very nuanced conversation, but just how you approach these conversations is very important because it could trigger somebody to just be combative. And again, nuanced, that person can already be combative, but when you know that you’re going in with a clear mind, open heart to try to just have a civil conversation about your perspective so that they can understand why you feel the way you feel, I feel like that will make the conversation go a lot better than just going in and trying to change someone’s perspective.
Javier:
Yeah. I think people want… Well, everyone wants to be a hero, right? And I think all of us think that we are following a story of ourselves where we are the hero. And that’s natural and that’s fine. And I don’t think it’s egotistical. I think we all deserve to feel like we are heroes in our own rights. And so, I think that that’s where sometimes we will want to compete with each other because we don’t want to feel like a villain. And I think there is a way for people to respect one another where they can both go into a conversation and leave the conversation, both being heroes at the end of the day.
Cheyenne:
Yeah. And heard. Yeah. And heard. Yeah. So.
Javier:
Yeah. Yeah. So, if you have any advice on how to navigate these awkward conversations, definitely let us know.
You can send us an email at…
Cheyenne:
Javier:
Yeah. We’re going to take a quick break and then we will be right back.
(music break)
Having Tough Conversations with Family or Protecting Your Peace: A Recap
Cheyenne:
And we’re back.
Javier:
So, yeah, I think navigating conversations with family, with friends, with the people you care about when they have different opinions is always going to be hard. I think ultimately it’s about: Where is your capacity at? Where is your peace at? For me, and this is for me, para mi, my peace is knowing that I at least try to create some positive influence with the people that I know I could have influence with. It’s not just someone off the street.
These are people that already have buy-in with me and that they love me, even if they have different opinions than I have. And so, yeah, I want to use the privilege that I do have to be able to be visible and to speak for other people. Yeah.
That’s kind of what I’m taking away from this conversation. What are you taking away from this conversation?
Cheyenne:
For me it is: enjoy the holiday season. Take joy. Take joy. Whether you celebrate Thanksgiving or Christmas or not, just take time to enjoy just the time period. Just take time just to enjoy you, to enjoy your family, to enjoy your partner, what so have you.
Just really take time to find joy and have joy. And if you had that capacity to have those conversations during the holidays, have them, you know?
Javier:
And they don’t have to be during the holidays.
Cheyenne:
Yeah, they really don’t. They really don’t. You can just have the one night off for Thanksgiving or Friendsgiving or just your gathering.
Javier:
But the day after…
Cheyenne:
The day after, it’s poppin’.
Javier:
When you got your belly full.
Cheyenne:
But no, seriously. Just really take the time to find joy and be joyful. Be grateful.
It’s gonna be very important during this holiday season and just moving forward, you know.
Javier:
Yeah. And we also say this holiday season as if this episode is not coming out like the day before Thanksgiving or the day of Thanksgiving.
So also, this is late. Happy Thanksgiving, y’all. For those who celebrate.
Happy Thanksgiving. But I’m curious, Cheyenne, just everything else aside.
What is one of the things that you are most grateful about this year?
Cheyenne:
For me personally, I am the most grateful for the many opportunities that have landed in my lap in the last, oh my goodness, five, four or five months, I will say. I’ve had a lot of great opportunities just land in my lap and I am honestly really grateful for that. So yeah, I haven’t had, I wouldn’t expect you to ask me that question and I haven’t really thought about what I’m grateful for.
Javier:
You’ve been on the come up, though. You’ve been—
Cheyenne:
I really have been on the come up.
Stepping in your career path. Yeah. That’s what I’m talking about when I say the opportunities that I’ve been presented.
I am just really grateful for how this year turned out and how it has started to set me up for success to move forward. So yeah. What about you, Javier?
Javier:
You know, I’m grateful for you, Cheyenne.
Cheyenne:
He’s lying to y’all.
Javier:
No, I’m so grateful for Cheyenne. I’m so grateful for this podcast and I’m so grateful for the many interesting conversations that we’re going to have, that we’re going to continue to have.
And I’m grateful that we have another episode coming in just two weeks where we’re going to be focusing on disability pride and its intersectionality with sex and how disabled people can have beautiful, raunchy, filthy sex.
Cheyenne:
That is a way to describe it, yeah.
Javier:
But we’re really excited to bring in another guest. So, we’re really excited. So, stay tuned. But outside of that, Cheyenne, do you have any last messages?
Cheyenne:
No, my last… Well, actually, no. My last message for you is that I hope you are happy, glowing, and joyous as we move into this new season.
Javier:
And I hope you get some GOOD over this break.
Cheyenne:
Alright—
Beneath the Briefs: “Electoral Dysfunction” Outro
Javier:
Beneath the Briefs is produced by Javier Enriquez, Cheyenne Roberts, Tri McBath, Trevor Frank, Andie Carver, and Marquesse Banks, executively produced by Januari Fox, and edited by Javier Enriquez. The Beneath the Briefs podcast is supported and powered by Prism Health North Texas.
Cheyenne:
The opinions, personalities, and views expressed on Beneath the Briefs are solely those of the individuals and do not reflect those of Prism Health North Texas and its employees. The information shared on this podcast is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment, and is intended for educational purposes only. Thank you.
Cheyenne:
Say something, Javier. Stop looking at me like this.